For the first time this year I didn't get my minimum of ten posts in the month of October. It wasn't because I had nothing to post, it was just a lack of motivation. A slump, the blahs, something like that. No matter how I put it, I had my smug alter ego de-smugged a bit because my discipline failed.
Discipline is not easy for me, I would love nothing better than to wander around with no thought of exercising control in what I do and what I eat and anything else. After all lack of discipline is what got my weight to 179 pounds and discipline and self control is what brought me down to my current weight. I am still dealing with that fear. What if I give it all up and gain weight again. I don't think I will, and I may not. But, what if?
We have been doing a bible study in circle about the roles of older and younger women as Christians. How older women should lead by being examples of Christian living and younger women should be willing to listen to what older women have to say. The last chapter was about self control and how it can be a source of freedom instead of being restricting. There is a lesson in there for me, but I am resisting it still.
My life has been a very good one since I retired. I am blessed with that. But now and then things I can't control come into play and make me upset. We learned something tonight that is causing me concerns. It isn't affecting me directly, but is a close family member. I want to rush in and make things better, but I can't and I am not sure that even if I could, that my effort would be wanted or appreciated. Luckily, that is where the blessing of having Ray as my husband comes to play. He had better ideas and moved to act on them almost immediately. I think he will do better in getting them accepted than I would have as well. As for me, I am going to pray about it.
Prayer is not hard for me, but it isn't an ingrained habit. I do more short prayers and I try for a daily laundry list prayer for the folks on the prayer chain and family and friends. I still have to understand how people can sit and pray for fifteen minutes at a stretch let alone an hour. Yoga has started to show me how to clear my mind, so I can concentrate on prayer, so maybe I will be able to accomplish uninterrupted serious prayer yet.
Now I am going to do some more posts of the things I should have been doing for the last three weeks.